Mind Games
by smurfette729
Summary: Pam knows exactly what she does to him.


A/N: I'm not really sure where this came from or how I feel about it, but here it is. I also don't like the title, but my first choice was taken. Anyway. The parts in italics are sort of flash backs and the rest is what's happening that day. Please review, maybe you can change my mind about it!

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Seriously.

* * *

She stares at her reflection as the dress shines in the sunlight coming through the thin curtains.

xxxxx

_They've been in diversity training all day and she's bored. Michael's been talking for an hour and she wants to scream or leave. Instead, she rests her head on Jim's shoulder, wanting to breathe in the smell of him, to feel the warmth of his skin though his shirt. She knows he won't mind. She pretends to be asleep, not for his sake because she knows he won't be needing an explanation, but because of the cameras. They're everywhere, watching everything, storing it away for their own purposes. _

_She soaks in the feel of being so close to him. She can hear people getting up, starting to leave, but she's not ready for the moment to end. She can tell he's wondering what to do, can tell he thinks she's really sleeping. He doesn't want to disturb her and the thought of this makes her smile. _

xxxxx

She turns slightly from side to side, loving the swishing motion the skirt makes as she moves.

xxxxx

_She's at her desk, talking to Kelly when she sees him glance in her direction. Kelly's been asking her about the wedding and she's been doing her best to sound enthusiastic about the plans she's been making. When Kelly asks how she's going to do her hair, she reaches up and undoes the clip holding it in place. As it falls over her shoulders and around her face, she knows he's watching, knows he likes the way she looks with her hair down. She catches him as he stares, watching her fluff her hair. She sees the way his face softens, the way he has to make an extra effort to swallow as he watches her run her fingers through her hair. She does it a few more times than is absolutely necessary, enjoying the way he's watching her, the way he looks as he does. _

xxxxx

She bounces a little on the balls of her feet, giddy with anticipation, her hands clasped tightly behind her back, a wide smile on her face.

xxxxx

_They're out buying gifts for Kevin, hoping to cheer him up while he waits for his test results. She loves how comfortable it feels to shop with him, how normal it feels. He doesn't make her rush through the aisles, doesn't get impatient when she lingers over the greeting cards. _

_When he dares her to make an announcement, she knows she has to do it. She has no choice. Because she knows it will make him smile and she is powerless when he smiles. _

_She gets on the loudspeaker and says the most ridiculous thing she can think of and loves the way he smiles in return. That lazy grin she's only ever seen directed at her, the one that relaxes his entire face and radiates affection. He calls her a dork and she thinks she's never heard anything sound so much like love. _

_She makes another announcement, desperate to keep him looking at her that way, like she's the only person in the entire world he would want to be with in that moment. _

_She gets yelled at and feigns embarrassment, ducking her head to hide from him the effect his smile has on her ability to care about being humiliated in public. _

xxxxx

She thinks she should be nervous, thinks it's the typical reaction, one everyone expects. Her mother, her aunts, all of her married friends. They've all described this moment as one of nervousness, terror, butterflies doing a jig in their stomachs.

But Pam doesn't feel that way. She only feels excitement. She knows there's a finality to it, that there's no going back. But she also knows she doesn't want to go back, knows that the finality is what makes her want to grin so hard it hurts.

xxxxx

_He's been looking at her all night. Every time she catches his eye and smiles, she thinks she sees him gulp a little and blink a few times, like he's trying to clear his head, trying to refocus his attention on the cards in front of him._

_A couple of times she walks up to him and says something and he loses himself in her, looks at her as though he can't believe she's real, and standing in front of him. He tilts his head slightly, lets the corners of his mouth edge upwards. He has a hard time following what she's saying and she catches him, a few times, letting his eyes wander over her dress, taking in the blue fabric, entranced by the way it rustles and shines when she moves. She remembers this later that night, as he walks towards her while she says good night to Roy. She makes sure to make slight movements as he approaches her, letting the dress catch the light, hoping it will make him look at her in that way again._

xxxxx

She thinks she should be used to the sight of herself in this dress, used to the way it hugs her curves without being too tight, the way it dips a little in the front without being too revealing. She thinks she should expect the light to bounce off the satin the way it does, thinks the way it shimmers in the sun should no longer mesmerize her the way it does.

After all, she's tried the dress on every single day.

For the last two weeks.

But today is different. Today she looks different in the dress, feels different. The dress always makes her feel pretty, but today she feels beautiful. Luminous. Radiant.

And it's not because of the way her hair is arranged around the simple but elegant tiara she wears, not because of the way her make-up has been done.

It's because she knows that_ he's_ going to be seeing her in the dress today, knows his breath will be taken away when he sees her , walking towards him, towards forever.

She knows she has that effect on him. Because he's told her, in countless ways, countless times. He's made her feel beautiful in a way no one else ever has.

xxxxx

_She's wearing pink. She tells Roy it's because it's Valentine's Day and she wants to look festive. She leaves her hair down and tells Roy it's because it's Valentine's Day and she wants to look nice. _

_The real reason is that she knows that pink brings out the color in her cheeks, knows that she looks the prettiest when her hair is down, knows that Jim thinks so, too. _

_It's Valentine's Day and she wants to be sure that wherever Jim celebrates, whom ever he celebrates with, he will be thinking of her. She catches his reaction when he walks into the office and sees her. She smiles, knowing she's accomplished her goal._

xxxxx

Everyone turns to look at her as the appears at the back of the church. She looks down the long aisle and meets his eye. She can tell he has to remind himself to breathe, can tell he wants to reach up and loosen his collar. She sees him lean forward slightly, as though he's trying to bring himself closer to her. She grins and resists the urge to skip towards him.

She loves the effect she has on him.


End file.
